Every time I start getting cocky, it goes and bites me on the ass.
Without fail.
Case in point. Last Saturday me and the dog pound went over to the fort to see the carney. You can't miss the yooouge ferris wheel disrupting the muted skyline. There were a lot of people but not so much that would deter you from going. Traffic was a bitch but as usual my parking luck kicked in and I was able to get a slot. slut. slot. slut.
I met up with Jor and Kat in this japanese restaurant that had really refreshing dalandan shakes. It is something best experienced and talked about less. That totally doesn't make sense. Anyway. A phone call later, I was with Alex and her sisters standing in front of the gates to Eurostar taking pictures and what not. No line! I rock. Tickets were breezy 'fo sheezy. We went in ahead of the dog pound, who would arrive a bit late. Eager to show off my oozing machismo I called out my first ride. I did not realize at the time that this ride would end me. To the ground.
Enter the Flipper. Or as I prefer to call it, the Fucker. It seemed to me like a namby pamby ride to get some jollies on. It looks like a modified tea cup ride. One that rises nearly at a 45 degree angle. But not quite. Maybe around 35- 40 degrees. Who cares. It looked very doable. Plus I get to show off my oozing machismo by besting this beast. Ah it would be a fun night indeed. Insert chest beating roar here.
I handed my cellphone over to ride management for safekeeping. Might fly out of your pocket daw. Sha! Whatever man. Let me on this damn thing already. I sat beside Alex who was looking a bit queasy already. Poor girl. No worries. I is here. Just then, a beam of light from out of nowhere shown upon my visage, outlining me in a golden glow. Insert angelic singing here.
One of the seat belt fastening technicians secured us in. I looked around at the other passengers. I let out a snooty humph when I saw some people change their minds about the journey we were about to take and kindly alerted the ride management of their change of heart. They were let down subsequently and as a matter of fact, so was I dammit! Get this ride moving! I'm falling asleep here! Insert thunderclap and flash of lightning here.
Finally, one of the managers gave the thumbs up and we were on our way. Hah, I told myself. These fools will be screaming their heads off whilst I shall laugh my hearty heart heart till the last tea cup stops.
Ah the speed. The rush. It's exhilarating. It's.. it's... it's pretty fast. Whoa! hang on here a minute. Whaaaaat's gooooiing oooooooon!?! My voice trailed behind me as we were moving faster than the speed of sound. And definitely not in a coldplay sort of way. We were thrown this was and that. I screamed. I shouted. I begged but alas the ride managers did not hear my plea. I wanted out. I wanted the madness to stop. I was convinced that if I lost my grip on the metal handle in front of me, I would die. White knuckled and all blood drained from my face I cowered on Alex's shoulder. Who closed her eyes the whole time. Sucker. I closed mine at least halfway through the ride. It felt like it would go on forever. It did stop eventually and my sanity returned.
I was able to pry my fingers away from the metal handle. I was exhausted. I was beyond consolation. We stumbled away in a daze. Unable to find words to describe the experience we walked to a quiet area where we sat in silent disbelief that we had survived such an ordeal.
Somehow, eating my words just isn't enough. There was no oozing of any sort at all. So much for that. A few sips of water later I realized that I had lost my wallet. Fuck shit fuckity fuckwad! I returned to the scene of the crime and consulted quickly with the ride manager, who on off nights, manned the cotton candy station a few meters away for some secondary income. Times are tough. She quickly pointed her finger at the yooouge sign right beside the ride stating that Ride management is not responsible for any lost items and that any loose items should be properly secured or turned into said ride management for safekeeping until after the ride has finished thankyouverymuch for pointing that out ms. I told you so but you just wouldn't listen now did you? DID YOU!?
Nevertheless, she did forward me to one of her associates who promised to assist me in my futile search. He was a kind man and did not further rub it into my face. Ok, he did but not as much as ms. I told you so. We rounded the perimeter and ran into another one of his colleagues. Who just so happened to find a black wallet, yay! Three cheers for ms. I found your wallet strewn at the bottom of the ride only it's missing P1500. Hokay. Now, I'm not a chump. I know what's going on. But they still tried looking for the lost money anyway. At that point, I was just glad to have all my id's my credit cards and my bloody check. They at least left me some money. Maybe they thought I needed some cash to commute home. I have a car kaya noh! Wait, let me check my keys. Hoo! Still there, good.
I felt nauseous but I was grateful that not all was lost. And best of all, I did not lose my dinner. Booyah! My compadres though were beat so we retired to the car to collect ourselves since our brains were still spinning somewhere between the hotdog stand and the portalets.
We returned later. Much later in fact, after a quick stop at the 7/11 for some gum and more water. We agreed that perhaps the only ride we'll endeavor would be the ferris wheel. That's about all I can take right now.
We sat in peace high in the night sky. Well, not exactly. There were two little girls with us in the gondola and one of them couldn't stop crying. Alex did the girl thing and tried to console her to no avail whilst I kept a firm grip on the railings. This thing really should come with seat belts or something. Remind me to speak with the ride manager on this one.
The breeze was cool and calm. The silence was broken only by the occasional sob. The ride came to a stop and we alighted. We walked and kept on walking as the lights and sound faded away into distant memory.
Later on, after everyone had left. I remained with Mario, a cup of tea and a waffle cake. 30 minutes later we were cleaning and sweeping in Monster's apartment. An hour later, we locked the door and left strangely satisfied. There's nothing like giving in to a little obsessive compulsive behavior to settle oneself down and get the world turning right again.
I am almost certain that I was a janitor in a previous life. Or should I say, cleanliness and waste officer.
