Another 24

Day turns into night.

Disassembled and rebuilt

Night turns into day.

All Fired Up

So I finally have a quiet moment here in the office, as my partner went out for some chips. He'll be gone a while and I am assured a modicum of privacy.

I can hear a Tori Amos song being played, her voice rising out from the background noise of tapping keyboards and busy phone calls. I focus on it and instantly smile. What a great song. Small things, it's always been. The things we value, the things we remember. Especially the things we hold on to.

I had a conversation recently with a friend from far away. It made me start thinking, I haven't exactly conducted myself in the best way that I could. I've acted childish and bitter. Silly boy. I mean, here we are, adulthood in full effect. To be honest, I'm not completely sure what adulthood entails but I am perhaps getting an idea of what it should be. Well, anyway.

There's lots of time for growing up. Lot's of time to make mistakes. Lot's of time to say you're sorry. Lot's of time to do things over again. I'd like to think that it's never too late. For anything in general. Of course, if we're talking about having a meeting at 1:00 p.m. and arrive there at 1:30, then my friend, you are invariably late. Too late in fact. But there are some things that you don't necessarily have to give up on.

I guess that's what's bothered me for a long while. I don't like giving up. I was very competitive as a child and hated losing. It would be so bad that I'd cheat in the face of defeat to pull out a big W. Yeah, not proud of it. But in this case, I lost. Hands down, plain faced, lost. The house cleaned me out and was asked to leave the table. I lost. I freakin' bloody lost. But that's ok. we all lose sometimes. And it was just my turn to lose. Had to learn someday right?

Right. I suppose that losing is not as bad as it seems, from a certain point of view. (A certain point of view?) Yes, a certain point of view. I won't even bother explaining it since it's different for everyone and is, as most things are when concerned with people, subjective. To put it simply, there's an upside.

Well, for one thing, life sure is different now. I sure am different. And before you know it, things have changed. All this change that we are so afraid of, happened slowly and steadily and one day, you look back and see how winding and twisted the road behind you has been. It's surprising in a very quiet and natural way. Two adjectives that one wouldn't normally associate with the word surprising. Anyway.

Life is still hard, it's just different. Old troubles get replaced by new ones, so forth. It's not that big a deal really. I mean, would it really come as such a shock to anyone? Nah, we all know this. But, things change. I think I'm beginnning to realize that it's not that important to make "making life easier" my main priority. It is what it is. One shouldn't have to endure through life. I'd like to celebrate it for a change. Wouldn't that be cool?

I'm not talking about hedonistic sensory indulgence as some of you might think. As with most things I think are worth noting, it's more of a quiet, one man-show type celebration. Kind of like lighting an inner sparkler and waving it around, lighting up all the dark edges of my soul.

Yeah.