Last tag for the rest of my life.

Okay this tag has been staring at me for the longest time and I'm only now getting around to doing it, so here goes.

Instructions:
1. the tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. he/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. he/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. if tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.


Gender: Female


Qualifications:

1. She has to be super lambing.
2. When a girl smells really good, that's like half the battle.
3. She has to be a weirdo. And I mean that in a good way, since I'm like a major weirdo. Just so we get each other's jokes.
4. She must be able to laugh at herself. Nothing's more attractive than a self-assured and confident woman. Guys like confidence too. Well, some guys.
5. She must love sex. (See point number 1.)
6. She has to be smart. Smart in the sense that I'd like to be able to learn from her and vice versa.
7. We must have the same values. Eg. Going to watch a Chris Cornell concert is more important than "meeting up with your friends for dinner." IT'S ONE NIGHT ANO BA!? YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE TOMORROW!
8. All of the above don't matter if you don't have love. Love. Love. Love. Love. (See point number 5.)

This is the last time I'm doing anything like this. I am the worst evah!

Fire extinguishers aren't usually green

When you wake up, what's the first thing you think about? For me, it's always about the dream I just had. Whatever it may be. It always seems important to try and remember what it was. Like there was something to be learned there or some missed opportunity that you can't miss now that you're awake. Most of the time I believe that they are premonitions. But in truth I'm probably just dreaming of the past. Tricky bastards these dreams are. They give you hope when there shouldn't be. Light when you sleep and darkness when you wake. I dunno what I find so fascinating about the juxtapositions in life. Maybe because it is these very juxtapositions that give me hope. Whereas I would see myself heading down a particular path, there remains the chance that my path would be averted and I would somehow be drawn to a different one. A constant change. A constant shift. Keeps things exciting I suppose. Keeps me on my toes. Like I have something that nobody knows. A secret from which my life flows. That's just the way it goes. So now I shall bring this to a close.

I'm wearing one of my favorite shirts today. For some reason, it makes me feel really healthy. Not that I am. I'm probably at my worst health ever. Strangely though I haven't been getting sick. It's almost been a year since I joined this rag tag trio and not once have I missed a day of work. I'm quite disappointed in myself actually. I'm so due for a vacation. I've been planning it slowly in my head. I'm gonna take maybe one or two weeks off and I'm gonna travel. I'm gonna spend my hard earned dough and invest it into some visceral life experiences. When you think about it, I'm really investing in memories. And when you're old and dying, memory might be all that you have. So when you put it in that context, spending on traveling is actually a really wise investment.

And speaking of investments. I have decided to get myself a MacBook Pro with the Intel Core Duo. It's only a matter of time. And then I shall get my grubby little hands on them bwuahaahahaha! It all depends on my cousin who lives in Silicon Valley who's got friends at Mac who's gonna hook a brotha up with some mad discounts booyah! .... I just licked my lips. It all came to a head, in a manner of speaking. My trusty olde pc with my Intel III 800 mhz finally died on me. It literally died. Like, I left it on, took a shower, came back and it was deader than a doornail. I don't even know if my files are intact. I'm guessing they are and I just have to plug my hard drive (plug my hard drive) into another storage device (storage device) and simply transfer my load (my load) It's really not that hard, err, difficult. In any case, I'm sure they'll be fine.

There's a green fire extinguisher here in the office staring right at me, daring me to use it. I've always wanted to open fire with a fire extinguisher. I'll try to ignore it for the remainder of the night. Sleep well kiddies.

Just standing

There's got to be something better out there. For some reason, looking out onto an empty street fills me with such calm. Daysleeper by REM immediately comes to mind. Reading the National Inquirer on the sidewalk. Inhale my daily dose of the night time air. And whatever else wanted or unwanted things it brings.

Outside, it starts raining. But there's a hope beyond my own. When I look at the stars. I feel like myself. And everything looks perfect from far away, come down now. It's 3 AM I must be lonely.

I guess we're all worried. About what people think. It's only human. But that's beside the point. There are other things to consider. This really isn't about you. It's about me. I am after all, my own favorite topic. And there's the rub. Here we go again. That's the problem with fear. I'd like to think that in each day that passes I let go of it a little bit. See? I hate editing. I just deleted a whole line. Laki ng problema ko noh? Hay.

That's the problem when you try to be honest. Why even blog at all? .....

Well, because by jove! I'm just trying to do right by me.

Complete waste

This. Really. Sucks. God fucking dammit. Fucking shit! Fuck shit fuck shit mother fucking goddam bloody fucking heeeeellllll!!!!!!!!

I hate going to work on saturdays. Fuck. I have nothing left! There's nothing! Just the fucking black emptiness of the fucking nothing!

FUCK. I HATE THIS STUPID SHIT. ITS ABSOLUTELY STUPID. I'M WASTING MY FUCKING TIME.

Assistance

My pupils are shaking. The music may be a little too loud. But before I can reach for the volume knob, I crash on the floor. Face meet carpet. And suddenly I find myself in a polyester and cotton jungle. It smells like a really old sweater. The one hanging in your closet. The one you've refused your mother to wear. Crawl slowly. I only know I'm going forward. To what, I don't know. Nor do I care. It just feels good going forward. Standing and falling and crawling on a burgundy jungle. The shaking has infected my limbs. They begin moving on their own. To the beat of the music. Like a magnet I stumble towards it. On my hands and knees if I have to. I will get there I tell myself. It's just taking a while. Suddenly I feel my knees. No wait, those aren't mine, they're someone else's. My knees aren't this smooth. Legs happen to be connected to them. Belt gets in the way. Such a complicated contraption. Good thing there's help. I couldn't have done this on my own. Off it goes, down. Everyone's vibrating at the same speed. Back home. Staring at the ceiling. Expanding in every direction. Just breathe. You'll make it. To the ashtray. Or maybe not. Pulling me inwards and exploding out with each deep exhale. Let's just lie here for a moment. The moment that took an entire night. The moment that took little pieces and bits and words and other vulnerable things. But with you, they're safe.

Cristina, you assume too much.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you