The Big Brush Off

Minsan talaga kailangan akong awatin.

In many respects. A while ago I almost blew up at a client. It's excruciatingly painful dealing with stupid people. Tanga talaga nila. Bwisit. Why is it that the higher up these people are in the corporate ladder, the dumber they get. Ano ba?! It just makes me hate corporate people even more. Exagge. No I don't hate all of them. Just the intellectually challenged. Normally, I would go and say, "to each his own". Problem is, they like me. How ironic is that? For some reason, these guys really like me. Little do they know what lurks in the dark corners of my mind. Bwuhahahaha! (insert lightning and thunder clap here) (backdrop: scary castle)

Shifting gears here for a minute. I have an immense respect and love for damaged people. People with scars. The kind that you don't see. I dunno, I just gravitate more towards them. I just can't live in pleasantville anymore. Perhaps in the past, that's what I thought I wanted. And isn't that the inherent problem with people: they never know what they want. That's why we're all so screwed up. Screwed in the head, screwed in the heart. We desire for the wrong things. We lie to ourselves just to justify our actions.

I'm guilty of that. But then so are you. But at least I'm not lying to myself. So going back to the subject at hand: damaged people. Love 'em. I dunno, I guess we just have more to talk about is all. More in common. Yun lang pala yon. mmmm. hmmmm. Well, I guess I understand it now more. hmmmmm. So.... why not ey?

Oh marc you're such a girl sometimes. Tee hee.

Here's another question. I can't seem to resolve this duality in me. Around the time I graduated high school, I sort of knew .... wait, it's not what you're thinking. I'm not gay. No, what I am referring to is a somewhat extreme personality. You see, there are moments when I give in to impulse. Rare moments to be sure. Like the time I crossed the street without looking cuz I was so pissed that cars screeched to a stop inches away from taking out my knees. I didn't even care. I didn't even look at the cars. I just heard the screeching of the tires. I only saw the shocked expressions on the people's faces on the other side of the street. That was one of the most reckless things I've ever done. The scary part was, I just didn't care. Normally though, I'm pretty level. Like even steven. I try not to let a lot of things bother me. But everyone has their buttons. Some just have less. So I'm thinking, maybe there isn't a middle ground for me. This balance that I've been searching for all my life may not actually exist. It's extreme emotion or no emotion at all. There is no middle ground. I'm all in it or not at all.

I know it's kinda difficult. Which is why maybe I don't let a lot of people in. My fear is that sooner or later, they just can't take me anymore. hmmmm. Interesting theory. Even I'm not completely sold on my own theory. I'm sure it's a factor though. mmmm. Maybe. I think I know where this is going. And you know what? I ain't goin' there. I think I know enough to leave some things well and good alone.

Ooh, did I just brush myself off? Now that's progress.

So the other night, Diane showed me this really cool magic card trick. It was hawesome. She's still not teaching me how to do it though. Even if I taught her how to play poker. But that's ok, some things are better kept secret.